Slovak singer Katarína Koščová has long been portrayed as an unattractive girl by Slovak tabloid media. (source: Vlastimil Slávik)
For many years, the tabloids have terrorised her due to her appearance and weight. Today, singer Katarína Koščová admits that it destroyed her self-confidence. “I gradually started to think of myself as disgusting,” she says. The artist openly describes her struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, and how sorting out her mental health gave her the power to deal with her physical health.
On social media, you have broached the topic of body-shaming. In your post, you describe how people have praised you for your weight loss and are asking you for advice. But some time ago, they shamed you for your body. Did that surprise you?
It surprised me. I didn't think my post was very personal. I can imagine that I could have addressed the topic in a more personal and deeper way. I feel like I just outlined the topic.It surprised me. I didn't think my post was very personal. I can imagine that I could have addressed the topic in a more personal and deeper way. I feel like I just outlined the topic.
However, because I visibly lost weight, I received many messages where people asked me how I achieved that. I was in awe and wondered if I was really in a position to give people any tips.
I definitely don't feel like the right person for something like that. I wanted to direct people towards experts who deal with this topic and who can dispel myths about what and how to eat. Some have joined the Appetite for Life (Chuť žiť) project, which is about eating disorders.
In my post, I just wanted to point out that there is also another way.
You also wrote that you had been bullied by tabloid media for many years because of your appearance and figure. Have you been contacted by these tabloids following your post?
I have, and they again wanted to talk of my weight and appearance.
The same tabloid media has long told me that it's not important whether stories about me are positive or negative. All that matters is that all the stories get written and published.
However, over the years of making my own music, it has turned out that if something comes up about me in the tabloids, it's just about how ugly I look, how terribly I dress, or how I have put on some weight. But when we sent them a press release that I was releasing an album or going on tour, it was always uninteresting.
They wrote about me only as an unattractive girl. That hurt a lot, but I pretended it did not bother me.
Why did you choose pretense?
For several reasons. For example, I told myself that I should be able to handle my appearance as elegantly as, for example, the actor Petra Polnišová or comedian Evelyn, who know how to wear everything with elegance, are funny and can make fun of themselves.
Yet, there is a difference between us that the tabloid media established long ago. While, for example, Evelyn, who is a beautiful and attractive woman, has always been the one with sexy body curves, even for tabloid journalists. I have only been depicted as fat since the first day I appeared on Slovak Idol.
We should not ask of everyone to make fun of themselves, especially not publicly.
Exactly.
I wanted to send out a message that appearance is not what matters the most, and that we should show more who we are on the inside, our intellect, and what we radiate out to the world.
But at the same time, we all soak up many things around us. We take in what is said about us, and it sticks to us. I felt that I was being labelled an ugly girl in front of the whole nation.
Ever since Slovak Idol the tabloid media has written that I'm overweight and that I have no taste in fashion. I received awards such as the Broom of the Year. It really ruined my confidence. I gradually began to think of myself as being disgusting and that no matter what I did, it would never be enough.
It also harmed my family a lot. I remember one situation where my grandmother asked me if I could lose weight. It hurt me so much to see that she only worried because she read terrible things about me.
Did your parents ever talk to you about your weight?
When I was really overweight, they were worried about my health and wanted me to start doing something about it. However, it was not that they told me I was disgusting. They were objectively afraid of what obesity could do to me.
Katarína Koščová's online Christmas concert with sister Veronika Husovská and pianist Daniel Špiner. (source: Michal Pivovar)
My family has never shamed me for my weight. As a child, I was slim, I did sports. It was after one surgery that I was unable to move for half a year and I gained weight in the end. From the age of 12, I had breasts, female curves, and there were a few situations that made me sad, and which I still remember. But it was not overwhelming or disgraceful.
It all really started to happen after Slovak Idol. That's when I started to be fat for the media. At some point, I also started to gain weight uncontrollably, and the situation only worsened.
When I look at photos from 17 years ago, I was not that overweight. Today, I wonder how it's possible for society to body-shame someone who looked like me at that time.
The Czech singer Ridina Ahmed said in her podcast that commenting on and criticising the appearance of others, especially women, is socially very normalised. Do you still feel the pressure?
Not so intensely anymore, but I see that we as a society judge others a lot. It seems as if the standard should be a beautiful fit body with abdominal muscles, and all of us who do not fit into this standard are just lazy and cannot find enough motivation to change ourselves.
People like to tell others how simple this or that is. Well, if that were the case, no one would have a problem quitting smoking.
I often times decided to lose weight. Every night, I imagined for an hour how great it would be if I lost weight. How great I would feel, how stronger I would be, how my back would not hurt. After an hour of such ideas, I said to myself: “Great! My mind is set, I will start tomorrow.” The next day I got up and boom. I was not able to change anything in my life at all.
When did the turning point occur?
After psychotherapy. However, I didn't undergo it due to weight loss.
For what reason then?
For anxiety and panic attacks. In the end, however, everything became one. By starting to deal with mental health, I found enough the energy to deal with my physical health as well.
People may now begin to say that I'm one of those joining that group of people who are talking about mental health, and that it has grown into a trend. But I found out that I have an enormous number of people around me who were very worried and did not tell anyone about it, because mental health issues are still perceived in our country as something to be ashamed of. And that's not true.
I think that taking care of the mental side of our health should not be taboo. I also think mental blocks stop us from being happy with ourselves or being able to do something to make us feel good.
Did you have the support of your family in dealing with your problems?
Absolutely. My husband and my friend, who is a psychologist, had been warning me for a long time that I needed help. I had been through very awkward and uncomfortable moments. I can understand very well people who already wish for the end of the world because nothing makes sense.
I could not even enjoy my children. I had not written a single song for two years. I could not accept praise and I did not believe that I was good at anything. When I had panic attacks, I felt like I was dying. I went for a heart test, but my doctor immediately told me that the cause would probably be psychological.
Taking care of the mental side of our health should not be taboo. I also think mental blocks stop us from being happy with ourselves or being able to do something to make us feel good.“
I accepted this information relatively quickly and went to therapy. Fortunately, it helped me very quickly. Thanks to it I then had enough strength to focus on my physical health and weight loss.
You have two children. Do you talk to them about bullying and body-shaming?
Yes. Whenever I see or hear that they are saying something ugly about someone, I intervene. I'm very sensitive about these things, so it's possible that I'm overreacting. Thanks to my experience, I always tell them that bullying is a terrible thing or at least warn them that they sometimes say something that can hurt other people. Sometimes, I take myself as an example to explain these things to them and I can see that they are speechless.
I realise that they are just children. They will go through various stages and will have to experience some sense of awareness of the whole problem.
After all, I remember my childhood very well. All my life I said to myself that we were an excellent team at primary school, which was already relatively inclusive and progressive in the eighties. For example, we had a Roma boy who was a good friend of ours in our group. But over time, I see that we did things that were not nice either.
We had one rather obese classmate. We never made fun of her openly, we did not tease her, but we whispered about her, and we sometimes gossiped about her in various girl groups. I'm sure she knew about that.
Artists like you, who play clubs, for smaller audiences and are not mainstream, have had a tough time during Covid. How have you managed to get by?
I can only speak for myself. We live in an old house in a village in eastern Slovakia. Fortunately, we don't pay a high mortgage or an insanely high rent like people in Bratislava.
We had savings for a few months. We said to ourselves that if we were modest, we should have no problem surviving the pandemic. Having wasted all my money after Slovak Idol, I today take great care to keep my expenses under control and always have a financial reserve.
Katarína Koščová is a Slovak singer from Prešov. She is the first winner of the Slovak version of Pop Idol. (source: Vlastimil Slávik)
We had a good season last summer. We played concerts and used the earned money only to replenish our reserve. We knew that we could not spend it because there would certainly be another wave and more restrictions coming.
A grant from the Slovak Arts Council also helped us in part. Since my husband has always paid levies as he should, he could also apply for support for entrepreneurs.
You still cannot play, say, for a full club, according to current Covid rules. Are you considering concerts at this point at all?
There is no point in considering any gigs while Omicron is on the rise. But I'm glad that at least theatres and other branches of culture can exist at least for a while again.
At the beginning of the year, artists who cannot perform due to Covid restrictions pointed out that the Culture Ministry was ignoring them. Do you feel it that way too?
I feel sorry that the culture minister is not seen much. She sometimes posts something on Facebook, like the post she wrote a year ago. It said that there would be an explosion of culture after the pandemic. I don't know what will explode if half of culture will be dead. It seems to me that the minister cannot stand up for her department.
After all, just the fact that culture is not mentioned in Slovakia’s recovery plan is a huge failure. I'm not sure whether she lacks the skills or the will, but most likely she is not surrounded by experts who could help her.
Has the pandemic been reflected in Slovak music, besides Chiki Liki Tu-a’s EP from last year? Does Slovak culture sufficiently reflect today’s world?
It's quite difficult to make topical music. I don't think Covid and the pandemic will penetrate mainstream music. It will always be alternative genres that will take on this challenge. Chiki Liki Tu-a did a fantastic job, but their music is always associated with jokes. They can afford to make something completely different to someone who writes ballads.
But the important thing, in my opinion, is that even though songs, productions and TV series may not talk directly about the pandemic, our art reflects the things that this era opens up. For example, online bullying, hoaxes and the inability of divided groups to communicate with each other.
I think the ability to communicate with each other will be a challenge for all of us.
© Sme
