The art of saying “No”

There is a quiet power in the word “no”—a syllable so small, yet so often tangled in fear, guilt, or the weight of others’ expectations. For many of us, especially those raised to be agreeable, helpful, and ever-available, saying “no” can feel like a betrayal: of duty, of kindness, of connection. But over time, I’ve come to see that a well-rooted “no” is not a closing of doors. It is the beginning of deeper integrity.

Boundaries are not walls; they are invitations to meet each other with clarity and respect. To say “no” is not to reject someone, but to affirm your own truth. It is to say: this is where I end, and this is where I begin again.

For years, I mistook acquiescence for grace. I gave yeses freely, thinking they were synonymous with generosity. And in many ways, they were—until I noticed the cost. When we constantly override our own rhythms, capacities, and instincts for the sake of harmony, we slowly erode the very essence that allows us to give meaningfully.

Learning the art of saying no has been a sacred unlearning. I have had to sit with discomfort—the possibility of being misunderstood, of disappointing others, of no longer being perceived as “easy to work with.” But in that discomfort, I’ve also found a new kind of grace: one that is not rooted in people-pleasing, but in self-honoring.

“No” can be said with love. It does not need to come with sharp edges or elaborate justifications. A simple, grounded “no, thank you” can be the most elegant expression of self-respect. And often, it is through those honest refusals that we create space for deeper alignment, more authentic contributions, and unexpected yeses that truly light us up.

May, a month of blossoming, strikes me like the perfect time to remember this: We do not owe our energy to every request. We owe it to our truth. And sometimes, the most loving thing we can do—for ourselves and for others—is to gracefully, gently, say No.

Eva Staronova is a founder of a non-profit cultural and educational exchange organization in New York, NY, and an entrepreneur in the natural product industry with her company based in Los Angeles, CA.
She serves on the Charity Committee of the International Women’s Club of Bratislava.