List of author's articles, page 3
Vrece zemiakov
“EVEN a sack of potatoes (vrece zemiakov) could beat him,” quipped Robert Fico after Marian Kotleba defeated Ľudovít Kaník, the right’s candidate to head Banská Bystrica Region, in the first round of the elections. Two weeks later, when the neo-Nazi crushed Smer’s Vladimír Maňka in the second round, the prime minister was short of metaphors. The PM did manage to blame the right and the media for the result. But that will hardly change the fact that this is a major blow to the ruling party and its chairman.
Nárazník
IF THERE is one bumper (nárazník) you do not want to dent, it’s the one belonging to Štefan Harabin. Firstly, the supreme court boss and former justice minister knows people. Not only are the transcripts of Harabin’s alleged friendly phone conversation with Kosovar drug lord Baki Sadiki well known, he now indicates that his connections with Iranian judges played a role in the release of several Slovak hostages detained for alleged espionage.
Kotleba
THE REGIONAL elections are usually the dullest of events – people you don’t know get elected into offices you don’t hear about for the next four years. But this time was a little different.
Župy
LET’S start with a quiz: The slogan “So that your children won’t depart” promotes: a) a children’s hospital, b) a religious sect, c) a candidate in Slovakia’s regional elections. If you guessed c), you have an unusually deep understanding of political marketing. And you got it right. The motto can be seen on billboards in Košice, a city many people tend to leave to find better jobs elsewhere. Sadly, unconventional local ads are the most amusing part of the campaign, in what is one of the world’s more absurd elections. Here are just some of the reasons why it is difficult to take voting, and the regional governments (župy) in general, too seriously:
Ano
A MILLIONAIRE and media mogul starts a party called Ano (Yes), promises to bring in a new type of politics, succeeds in elections and becomes the decisive element in the formation of a ruling coalition. Does this remind you of Andrej Babiš, who finished second in last week’s Czech elections? Well, it’s also the story of Pavol Rusko, whose Ano enabled the formation of a right-wing government in Slovakia in 2002. The story of the two Anos is not the only way in which the Czech vote confirms that Czechoslovakia, which celebrated its 95th birthday just two days after the election, lives on.
Vybieliť
WHO says you can’t change history? Sure you can. Or you can at least whitewash it (vybieliť). That’s exactly what happened in a hospital in Nitra, where the boss of the children’s clinic erased the medical records of a child whose parents suspect the doctors of overdosing and nearly killing their newborn.
Shutdown
THE AMERICAN shutdown looked like something that you would expect to happen in Slovakia. But although we left the presidential palace vacant for 15 months, had no attorney general for two and a half years, and aren’t really trying to find a new boss for the Supreme Audit Office, even after more than 600 days passed since the previous one finished his term, we have never managed to bring the entire government to a halt.
Afrodita
BORN from castrated genitals and sea foam, possessing unspeakable beauty and having many divine and earthly lovers, Afrodita (Aphrodite) has always been the goddess of love and pleasure. So where else should Prime Minister Robert Fico take the female employee of his cabinet office for romantic dinners other than to the luxurious restaurant bearing her name?
Zväz (video included)
WHATEVER Ľubomír Jahnátek does in the future, he will be best remembered for a promotional video he recorded in 2007. “Vee politicins vil be der on ou behalf and togedr wis our own and forigns experts vee vil try to find the best solutions for Slovakia. For us!” says Jahnátek as his bewildered eyes move rapidly from left to right.
Komjatice
KOMJATICE has got to be a world leader in the number of agricultural policy experts per square foot. Before the Agriculture Ministry decided to shut down its website, journalists of the Sme daily counted as many as eight relatives and compatriots of minister Ľubomír Jahnátek in senior positions. Audits, eurofunds, communication, you name it. Komjatice and the Jahnátek family seem to have produced a suitable candidate to manage all sorts of fields.
Maketa
THE FIGHT over a life-sized cardboard cutout (maketa) of Robert Fico wearing a football jersey and a sign saying “He gave the country to oligarchs” was only one of the fun parts of this week’s attempt to bring down the government. There was also Smer’s decision to force the opposition to debate the issue during night hours and Fico’s refusal to listen to what they had to say. Or the 100 empty bottles of alcohol a cleaning lady allegedly found in Smer’s quarters after one of the night sessions (not that you would need any evidence to see that many Smer MPs were drunk).
Word
MICROSOFT Word has to be pretty high on Smer’s list of most feared political opponents. In 2009 a look into the properties of a government document on the sale of emissions quotas revealed that it was prepared by Norbert Havalec – the same person who later bought them in what was one of the biggest scandals of Robert Fico’s first stint as prime minister.
Francuzák
FRENCH kissin’ doesn’t only happen in the USA. As Prime Minister Robert Fico and his secretary proved, a BMW parked in front of a Bratislava apartment building is also a good place for a nice French kiss (francuzák).
Zápasník
FORMER wrestler (zápasník) and Olympic bronze medalist Jozef Lohyňa is not the first athlete to get into Slovak politics. Racecar driver Jirko Malchárek served as economy minister and became one of the main characters in Gorilla, the tale of how the country was run by puppets in the hands of business groups. Hockey legend Peter Šťastný sits in the European Parliament and may even be considering a bid for the presidency. And football player and coach Dušan Galis is not only an MP, but also the government’s plenipotentiary for youth and sports.
Viagra
WHAT would you expect to find in the pockets of a cabinet minister following a car accident, which happened after he went to organise his granddaughter’s baptism? If you guessed condoms, Viagra, and €7,000 in cash, you got it right. Or at least so it seemed for five days, as Ján Richter’s press office failed to deny press reports on the incident. Finally, they did issue a rebuttal, admitting only that Richter had “a couple of thousand euros”.
Bozky
DID YOU see how Štefan Harabin and Robert Fico kissed? The warm emotional exchange between the head of the Supreme Court and the prime minister illustrates two important things. Firstly, the slow return to a socialist-era aesthetic in politics. Last week, Fico and Harabin's embrace recalled that of Leonid Brezhnev and Czechoslovak president Gustáv Husák; this week the prime minister went to check the harvest in typical chairman-of-the-central-committee style.
Kandahár
RARELY have there been so many reasons to think about the country’s security policy. This week’s killing of a soldier in Kandahar, the recent murder of two mountain climbers by the Pakistani Taliban, and the arrest of a group of paragliders in Iran for alleged espionage prove that both terrorists and totalitarian regimes pose a threat to Slovak citizens.
Zemanokracia
THE STORY of the prime minister’s chief of staff who let the military intelligence service spy on her boss’ wife, possibly out of jealousy, seemed impossible to beat. But then the Czechs came up with something even more absurd: President Miloš Zeman’s decision to appoint his own prime minister without any regard for the opinion of parliament. Sadly, the beginning of Zemanokracia, a term coined by the Czech media, is not something that Slovaks can only joke about.
Storočná voda
THE RELATIONSHIP between nations and nature can take different forms. Some countries live in constant fear of earthquakes, tornadoes or volcanoes. For others, oil, gas, or metals represent their main source of income. Slovakia’s relationship is not so passionate. Its main commodity and its main threat are the same – water. It has rich underground reserves in the south. And from time to time floods strike all across the country. This week it was Bratislava’s turn. The Danube reached record levels, there was justified talk of a ‘hundred-years’ water’ (storočná voda). The other thing which becomes visible at such moments is just how well the flood-protection system, the latest parts of which were built over the last decade, handles the pressure – very well, at least so far.
VÚC
THERE is not much to like about the Higher Regional Units (VÚC). The name sounds just as bureaucratic and artificial in Slovak as it does in English. Their borders reflect no traditional regions, but given the political situation of the early 2000s and an ever-present fear of Hungarian separatism – which is why the Trnava VÚC looks like a giant lizard getting ready to attack and swallow Bratislava – the point was to stretch it as far to the north as possible. The powers of the regions are clear to few, and the alliances that run them have no political logic.
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